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Michelle Obama, Terrorist?

Michelle Obama is a terrorist. That’s the only conclusion possible after a close reading of the Animal Enterprise Terrorism Act, which deems as “terrorism” any coordinated action, including speech acts, that in any way injures any “animal enterprise.”

Barack-Michelle fist-bump cartoon

The New Yorker got in trouble for publishing this cartoon portraying the First Lady as a terrorist, but what if it's true?

Let’s break it down: As has been widely reported, Michelle Obama is currently the figurehead of a coordinated effort to encourage Americans to change their diets. A recent quote from People magazine typifies the message she and her co-conspirators have been broadcasting by all means available to them:

“The overall message of Let’s Move is balance,” she says. “Do we have a vegetable on the plate? Have we incorporated fruit? What’s the portion size? Portion sizes have gotten out of control.”

The title of the article, “Michelle Obama wants you to eat your vegetables” sums up the terroristic aim of this campaign.

michelle obama at farmer's market

Michelle Obama laughs with co-conspirators at a farmer's market

What if Americans do heed their First Lady and begin to make room on their plates for more fruits and vegetables? What will be pushed aside to make room for those insidious asparagus and radical radishes? What if Americans moderate their portion sizes, cutting down their consumption of triple cheeseburgers and super-sized milkshakes?

If even a subset of Americans do this, the fortunes of the purveyors of fruits and vegetables will rise but demand for the products of the meat and dairy industries may decline. And if that happens, Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” campaign becomes a criminal enterprise. A terrorist criminal enterprise.

Perhaps that has already happened. If even one family is now buying less meat due to Michelle Obama’s message, then she has already fallen afoul of AETA.

Luckily for Michelle, the Center for Constitutional Rights has challenged AETA in a  federal lawsuit filed last week. The plaintiffs in the case, Blum v. Holder, assert that AETA represents an unconstitutional infringement on free speech and has, in fact, led them to censor themselves for fear of prosecution.

Michelle Obama in White House Garden

Michelle Obama directing youthful recruits in the White House kitchen garden... What if she succeeds in training them to grow rhubarb rather than gobble McNuggets?

Michelle Obama hasn’t been censoring herself. She keeps on promoting home vegetable gardens and regular consumption of leafy greens. Barack must be worried.

Which raises the question: What will Eric Holder do? There’s nothing forcing him to defend AETA. Indeed, the White House made news when Obama, citing the unconstitutionality of DoMA, direct the Department of Justice to quit defending it.

He could do the same for AETA. For Michelle’s sake, let’s hope he does.

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